“Is it okay to fight?” I got this question once from my younger sister when she was still in a relationship with her ex. And I said “Yes, but it depends…” I also told her that it is actually normal for couples to fight once in a while.
Hmm… If it is normal, why can some couples’ fights lead into a breakup? And why is it that sometimes, after a completely terrible fight, the other party is left broken while the other looked as if s/he just lost a battle when s/he was in fact the one who won the argument?
It is because in every fight, if your aim is to win, the more that you will lose. Why? Remember that the two of you are in this relationship together, so why on earth would you want a fight with him/her just to win? In a couple’s fight, the main objective should be to save the relationship and to bring out the best in both of you and not to know who’s better in this and that.
How to fight fair when you’re in a relationship? Is there such a thing? Yes, there is and let me share my 7 TIPS with you:
Avoid the “walk-out” scene drama effect.
Trust me; this action will never resolve a thing. I used to be a “walk-out drama queen” when I was younger and believe me it just brings out the worst in my partner every time. When there is an issue, stay where you are and do the right thing: TALK to him/her about it. Walking out is just a sign of cowardice and irresponsibility, so don’t do it.
Don’t talk while you’re mad.
When we are mad, our judgment is being clouded by our emotions. We might not think rational when this is the case. So take a breather. Don’t start talking when you’re still on the verge of throwing a chair on him/her. Wait until your emotions have subsided a little bit and when you’ve returned to your senses. If you’ll just take at least 5 minutes to just breathe in and out, you’ll see the difference that it will make to your conversation.
Oops! No “finger-pointing” please (literally and idiomatically)
When I say literally, c’mon! Who wants a finger pointed to his/her face while trying to state his/her side? I bet you wouldn’t want that. So, don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you. And when I say, idiomatically, I mean avoid starting your sentences with “you” and “your”. For once, be matured enough to think of what you probably could have done wrong instead of what your partner’s faults are.
Sssshh, don’t shout.
Being hurt and angry at the same time doesn’t give us the license to freely shout at our partner. We may be understood but most of the time, we might be misinterpreted. Guys don’t like it when we raise our voice at them, even when we have the right to be mad. Bear in mind that being mad does not give us a valid excuse to act witlessly and throw our tantrums at our partners. So read the sign: “Hush-hush! No shouting please”.
Avoid too much sarcasm.
It is understandable that upset and angry people can instantly turn into a sarcastic lion. However, don’t let that sarcasm level goes up too high to the point that every word your partner says, your machinegun mouth is ready with surefire sarcastic answers, because when that happens, I don’t think you’d ever see the end of that fight.
Never bring up past mistakes and use it for blackmailing each other.
Stay in the topic and don’t bring back past memories into the equation. What’s past is past. Don’t use it to blackmail the other because it will only worsen the situation, make the other person feel so bad about him/herself and might even cause more serious damage to the relationship that you’re trying to save.
No physical violence allowed!
If your LQ (lovers quarrel) is now leading you both to harm each other physically, stop the fight and end the relationship. I don’t think what you have together is still worth saving if you’re already okay with hurting each other not just emotionally but also physically. Learn how to control yourself and think a million times before you even raise that hand.